Destitute Gourmet

Get Grilling

2012-02-01T19:14:00.000-08:00

Is long weekend this weekend, and can’t come soon enough for me – forecast is for fab weather and am solar powered, so will come alive the minute sun comes out and temperature creeps up. Adore hot sticky summer evenings, am addicted to smell of sun block and have no complaints about sand in car cos Summer is my language.

Round our way, long weekend means tidal flow of neighbours all arriving or going away for weekend. Tents appear in gardens, cars are parked on lawns, burglar alarms set and neighbour children coerced into letterbox clearing and cat feeding.

All have one thing in common, simple desire to enjoy a good old kiwi summer break, a picnic at beach, or BBQ with all the cousins, cricket with pop and the kids, chance to meet newest member of family curled asleep in baby seat... It’s chill out time with friends in the evening, while kids muck about outside, water fights, cool drinks, and much needed change of pace.

At the bach, beach or home, barbecue is only way to go. Cooking around BBQ is communal event, it’s convivial – as can chat and char at same time, multitasking even man can manage.

Meat is king of barbecue but if you have to watch what you spend it’s still possible to host great BBQ without blowing budget. Flame cooking requires tender cuts which can be expensive, but for less costly steaks, rump is good. Marinate and use for kebabs or cut into smaller steaks and include lots of “sides”. If you have meat in freezer and think it may be tough, use steak sneak tenderising technique below.

Make ahead sauces and dressings can travel wherever you do, and a good spice rub enhances days catch or supermarket special. Zingy barbecue sauce will conceal charred remains of most BBQ disasters, protecting dignity of least experienced cooks so put on your comfy pants and relax.

Burgers and Kofta’s or spicy meatballs, optimise inexpensive mince but are always popular, with loads of salad and some fresh bread or flat breads. The latest issue of mEAT magazine Christmas/Summer has some of my latest BBQ recipes including burgers and Kofta's just click link then scroll past Christmas stuff to BBQ recipes http://www.beeflambnz.co.nz/resources/Meat_Mag_Issue_4.pdf

BBQ tips

Brushing oil on the grill makes nice grill marks on your food and reduces sticking, but does result in a bit of smoke

Resist the temptation to turn meat more than once – each turn breaks the surface causing juices to leak out toughening the meat

Serve plenty of side dishes so everyone has plenty to eat – fresh air makes you hungry

Cook spicy potatoes or other vegetables on the grill plate while the meat is cooking

Keep sauces warm in a saucepan on the back of the grill
Use separate utensils for turning meat and basting so surplus sauce doesn't become contaminated with juices from meat
Brunch is a great time to BBQ - eggs, french toast, bacon, lots of coffee - fun and less expensive than the night time meat feast
Stone fruits, bananas and bread dough all make delicious additions to the barbecue
Boil sausages briefly before barbecuing, this will render out some of the fat and provide you with a "pre cooked" sausage that will cook more quickly on the grill. Real "made from meat" sausages take longer than you might think to cook through. If it's pink in the middle don't eat it.

BBQ Cooking Times Chart

Use the barbecue cooking times chart below as a guideline only-- cooking times vary from grill to grill.

Boneless Beef Steaks, 1" thick	Rare: 15-20 minutes; Medium: 20-25 minutes; Well: 25+ minutes
Boneless Beef Steaks, 2" thick	Rare: 30-35 minutes; Medium: 35-40 minutes; Well: 40+ minutes
Hamburger Patty, 1/2" thick	Medium: 10-15 minutes; Well: 15+ minutes
Hot Dog	10 minutes
Bratwurst or Other Sausage	15-20 minutes
Pork Chops, 1/2-3/4" thick	15-30 minutes
Boneless Chicken Breast, 120g	20-30 minutes
Boneless Chicken Breast, 120g	20-25 minutes
Bone-in Chicken Breast or Thigh	30-40 minutes
Bone-in Chicken Drumstick	30-35 minutes
Lamb Chops, 1" thick	10-12 minutes
Fish, Small Whole	12-18 minutes, turning once
Fish Steaks, 1" thick	10 minutes, turning once
Fish Fillets	4-6 minutes per 1/2" of thickness
Shrimp, whole	2-3 minutes per side

Steak sneak technique

No one enjoys tough steak. This technique makes a regular cut like rump tender like fillet. I’ve tested it and it works, just don’t tell anyone!

Lip smacking baby back ribs or wings with Zim Zam BBQ sauce

Ribs and wings are wonderfully tender, spicy, sticky and fun to eat. Definitely not first date material though! Supply a finger bowl and loads of napkins.

Ribs are very high in fat, simmering the ribs releases much of the fat and reduces flaring on the barbecue. It also makes sure the meat is thoroughly cooked and meltingly tender.

Serves: 4 or more The sauce makes enough to baste a couple of kilos of pork spare ribs or more if using wings. You will need to allow around 500g ribs per person, but less if you are serving other meats or mains.

Time to make: 30 minutes plus barbecuing

For the simmering water for ribs

1 tablespoon golden syrup

4 whole cloves

4 peppercorns

For the Lip smacking barbecue sauce

1/3 cup white vinegar

½ cup prepared tomato sauce– I use Heinz

1 tablespoon golden syrup

3 tablespoons brown sugar
½ cup orange juice

1 teaspoon mustard powder

¼ cup sweet chilli sauce

1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce

If using wings skip this step

Place the ribs in a saucepan with enough water to cover them. Add the golden syrup, cloves and peppercorns to the water and simmer the ribs gently for 20 – 30 minutes. Discard the water and reserve the ribs.

While the ribs are simmering combine the barbecue sauce ingredients in a small saucepan and simmer gently for 15 – 20 minutes. If using wings, coat in some of the barbecue sauce and marinate for 30 minutes, reserve remaining sauce for basting.

Pre heat the barbecue; use a medium flame. Brush the ribs all over with sauce and cook, basting with sauce and turning frequently during cooking till dark coloured and starting to blacken in places. for wings, baste and turn ensuring the chicken is thoroughly cooked and no pink juices are evident.

No kidding - we'd like real food please

2012-01-15T16:23:00.000-08:00

Dining out with the young- uns has always been problematic. No sooner have you entered dining establishment, than kids are presented with Kids Menu - nuggets and chips, burger and chips, fish bites and chips, ice cream sundae.
As a family we'd annually hit road for 6 weeks at time, on tour. With limited time or facilities in our budget accommodation, kids ate out a lot, but nuggets and chips seriously not an option 4-5 nights out of 7.
We quickly became expert at executing "menu intercept". One of us would whisk kids to seats while other hissed at staff not to mention children's menu, semaphoring madly re potential for noisy scene, if kids discovered fried food was in offing, and doubtless messy family drama would ensue.

Menu intercept successfully executed, were faced with finding something on regular menu kids would actually eat, not too big, expensive or unusual. Throwing selves on mercy of waitstaff we'd painfully pick bits and pieces from various dishes.

"Could we have the chicken, without sauce, divided between two plates. could we have the creamy mash from peppered steak, no not steak, just mash. and could you hold Parmesan. Yes on the two plates. And blanched spring greens from lamb, but not the lamb, yes on the two plates. Yes Chicken mashed potato and boiled vegetables. Its for our children. No thanks, we don't want kids menu, Oh-oh - now you've done it, we said not to mention kids menu!"...

Every now and then we'd get staff who really "got it". Proper meals would be conjured up by kind hearted staff - likely with kids themselves. A fantastic simple spag bol, delicious hand made sausages (from breakfast menu) with homemade baked beans in sauce - better than the what adults were served- or a perfectly roasted little chicken leg with gravy and lots of veg - simplifications of main menu constituting proper tasty nourishing meals.

We found best value minimum stress option in small towns was often found in least suitable venues - Pubs and RSA type places. Not only affordable, but frequently simple family type fare or set meals such as roast, with dessert and drink for set price, or a tasty kid friendly plate of nachos or Mac n cheese, things they might actually recognise.

Mostly though we were patronised and over charged by chefs shamelessly dishing up nuggets, alongside all manner of posh culinary flim flammery while our kids demanded at maximum volume to be taken to pub pronto.

Easy beef Nacho’s

Spicy enough to be interesting and really easy to make.

500 g lean mince

2 cans chilli beans in sauce, one hot and one mild

1 can chopped tomatoes

1 tbsp Worcestershire sauce

1 tsp beef stock powder

Accompaniments

Corn chips

Grated cheese

Sour cream

In a frying pan brown the mince and drain off excess fat. Stir in both cans of beans, the chopped tomatoes, stock powder and Worcestershire sauce. Simmer until thick.

To serve, pile the chips into individual bowls or onto a large platter, spoon over the meat mixture. Top with grated cheese and pop under the grill until the cheese is melted. Add some big dollops of sour cream.

Pantry purge

2011-09-28T12:22:00.000-07:00

I’ve no time for complicated handshakes, elaborate flower arrangements, or any other non essential knick knackery. I’ve teenagers, full time job and very high maintenance hairstyle, so I’m for anything that makes life easier.

A couple of years ago we had great good fortune to install new kitchen. Was Dream come true as Old kitchen v. Bad. Just had no idea that before ascending to glories of new kitchen status, one must first endure purgatory of “between kitchen”.
6 Long ghastly weeks –no running water, no oven and no storage. Gaah!

I cook a lot, no I mean A LOT and subsequentl hunting for equipment and ingredients I knew positively were SOMEWHERE nearly drove me to brink of madness. (bad words may have been uttered but can’t confirm that).

Eventually cabinet maker condescended to install kitchen (turned out he had brain injury and wasn't a well man- hence long difficult delays). Imagine the bliss, I had lovely time turfing out things that were dated, damaged or just plain useless. (gourmet gift hampers – who eats that stuff?).
Having biffed out all old stuff and re arranged remainder on pristine new shelves, was a moment of epiphany. Since am not only one to loathe foraging in the pantry and rummaging for things; instituting annual pantry purge would make everyones life easier.
To put it bluntly if it’s been in pantry for more than a year and you didn’t eat it, you are never going to eat it. Either you don’t know how to use it or just don’t fancy it, so chuck it out and move on. Alcohol is exception here!

Throw out any spices more than a year old – make a note to replace only if you plan to use- spices are best purchased in small quantities and replaced regularly or they go stale. Whole spices stay fresh much longer than ground. A spice mill or mortar and pestle is a useful investment for grinding cloves, cardamom, cinnamon, peppercorns, coriander and cumin seeds, allspice and nutmeg, star anise and dried chillies...

Oils and foods with higher oil content such as nuts and brown rice will go rancid in the presence of oxygen. Heat and light accelerate this process.

Do they smell fresh? If not throw them out, not only do they taste bad, they may be bad for you. Good quality oils should be sold in dark bottles to protect them from light. If you buy oil in bulk go for a can and decant into dark bottles for everyday use.

Store nuts in the freezer to protect them from infestations of pantry moth and to keep them fresh – no need to defrost, just use straight from the freezer.

White rice, white flour and most dried beans can be safely stored for up to a year. Legumes will keep longer but will require longer cooking time the older they are. Store in airtight containers to prevent infestations.

Most pantry invaders are not harmful if consumed, but are very off putting. Prevention is better than cure.

Canned foods will last for years, check for rust and discard if dented but why have you still got it after years?

Take a long hard look at the old stuff, why hasn’t it been used yet? Did you buy it for a particular recipe then never get around to it? Do you know how to use it?

Did your husband buy it!

There is a general similarity operating around old ingredients – the things that routinely end up in the too hard basket. The following can be found languishing in the back of many of our pantries, forlorn and neglected, begging to be used.

Couscous and mixed bean salad

I love recipes that can be adapted to whatever ingredients are to hand. This couscous salad is a real store cupboard standby, add other ingredients such as red capsicum, olives or tuna if you have them otherwise enjoy it as is.

1 cup instant couscous

1 cup boiling water

1 tsp instant stock powder

1 can mixed bean salad

1 celery stalk finely chopped

1 glove garlic crushed

1 tsp ground cumin

1 handful fresh coriander finely chopped (parsley is an acceptable alternative)

A squeeze of lime juice

Place the couscous into a bowl, add the stock powder and cumin to the boiling water, pour the liquid over the couscous and cover with a tea towel. Set aside for a few minutes to absorb the liquid.

While the couscous is soaking finely chop the celery, coriander and garlic and drain the beans (do not rinse). When the couscous has absorbed all the liquid fluff it with a fork and mix in all the other ingredients. Squeeze in the lime juice and serve.

happy endings

2011-08-28T19:37:00.000-07:00

Haven't written for a while as had to have big op and bed rest on doctors orders. Sounds bad but actually 6 weeks rest highly recommended, particularly if accompanied by powerful pain relieving medication and plenty of good books.After lolling on couch for weeks though, legs became v. achey so Rich booked us both a massage at spa place.
Never had massage before as v.expensive and just a bit creepy, but was treat, and we were to have massage together thereby substantially reducing potential creepiness.
Spa place was darkened room filled with candles and lots of flowery thing or others, statues and pan pipey whale song music. All much as expected.We were led to side by side massage beds, and instructed to strip to knickers and lie face down. Beds were equipped with face hole for face down lying without asphyxsiation, and bowl of water containing floating flowers and candles positioned underneath for entertainment while face is in hole. We arranged selves and waited for massaging to start.

I am deeply self concious person who would opt for Edwardian Bathing tent at beach if one was available, so by now am rigid with tension. Massaging started with feet, but head was proving too small for head hole in bed, raising alarming possibility of face slipping into watery flower bowl. With massaging fully underway, was difficult to move as masseur progressively working far up legs and any sudden move might at very least give wrong idea or worst result in result in injury!

Tried prop head on side but kept slipping, and resting head on arms swiftly vetoed by masseur. Eventually executed a kind of dolphin flip which got head further up rim of hole only to be firmly dragged by ankles back down bed by masseur, who promptly moved on to bum massaging bit which is really rather good, but would have enjoyed so much more if not in screaming agony from supporting weight of head. Also about to slip into coma from blood pooling in face. With black spots forming in front of eyes, finally managed to wedge head sideways in hole which allowed blood flow to return to extremities and restore normal cognitive function.

Tried hard to relax but masseurs were carrying on lengthy whispered conversation in foreign language throughout, which I knew instinctively related to our candidacy in their ugliest bodies of week poll. When I did manage to relax was only to be tapped on shoulder and informed our time was up.
Had actually gone super fast as was really v. good, and once I got my head stabilised felt wonderfully refreshed and invigorated and a bit silly. There was no creepy "flip you over and start on the top" nor offerings of the "happy ending" that I'd heard about from others, just a really lovely relaxing treat which, given the chance, I would do again in a heart beat.
Only thing left to do after such wonderful indulgence - relax in patch of sunshine with a long cool drink in hand. Here's one you can make up in advance and leave in the fridge.

Sangria

Sangria is a Spanish wine and fruit punch. Made from whatever fruit is in season and a bottle of plonk, Sangria makes a cheap drop go a long way .

Vary the ingredients to suit your taste and budget, you can add ¼ cup brandy or white rum or complimentary fruit liqueur such as Grand Marnier, or Cointreau if you want more alcoholic kick or try different fruit juices such as cranberry or apple, you can use fizzy wine or fizzy soft drink if you like a bit of fizz in your drink. The only rules are to let the fruit macerate in the wine overnight and serve the sangria icy cold from a big jug.

Makes 1.5 litres

750 ml bottle of cheap but full bodied red wine

Selection of fresh fruit – a nectarine, an orange, a lime, a few strawberries …whatevers in season

2 cups orange juice

¼ cup caster sugar

1 cup lemonade - optional

The night before slice the fruit and add to the wine. Refrigerate over night to allow the fruit flavours to infuse in the wine – 6 – 8 hours.

Add the orange juice and sugar and the lemonade if using and taste. The sweetness can be corrected by adding a little more sugar if required.

Sangria can be fizzy or flat, red or white, basic or flash but always ice cold and fruity!

Putting the brakes on

2011-06-13T14:27:00.000-07:00

Have aching leg today - is from pressing against floor of car while conducting teenage driving lesson. Hadn't realised how much driving is instinctive, particularly braking. Find self slamming foot to car floor whenever we approach - well anything pretty much.

Am trying hard to conceal my terror, keeping clenched fists tucked out of sight, and offering carefully worded directions, if sometimes sounding a little shrill.

My own parents went from cavalier to crazed after only two horrifying lessons (one from each parent) leaving me to mercies of driving instructor with dual control, lucky lucky man. And my ever patient brother in law, enlisted provide the "mileage". Hadn't appreciated until now, what they were going through.

My girl is doing fine but I am wreck. No going back though as have to have surgery soon and wont be able to drive myself for a while. Will need her to drive me around- God help us all.

Great result with 3 point turns the other night, but we're currently avoiding main thoroughfares due to alarming incident involving fellow food writer and ardent walker Annabelle White, a pedestrian crossing, a panic attack and van load of hot young men. Suffice to say Annabelle lucky to be alive and we are sticking to back roads for foreseeable future.

Belle does appreciate the lessons and regularly reciprocates by offering to make dinner. One of her standby's and our family faves is Peanut Chicken and rice - a one pan comfort food dish that teenagers can not only make, but will actually like.

Peanut Chicken and Rice

This one pan dish has the comfort food qualities of risotto but a bit more zing. Serve it with salad or a green veg. Left-over’s can be made into patties like risotto cakes.

1 tbsp oil
2 boneless, skinless chicken breasts thinly sliced
1 onion chopped
3 cloves garlic crushed
1 400 can of chopped tomatoes
¼ cup crunchy peanut butter
1 tbsp curry powder
3 cups chicken stock
1½ cups basmati or jasmine rice
Large pinch of thyme
½ tsp salt

Heat the oil in a large saucepan. Cook the chicken slices until sealed then set aside. Add the onion and garlic to the pan and cook till soft. Return the chicken to the pan and mix in the tomatoes, peanut butter and curry powder and thyme and mix well to disperse the peanut butter through the mixture.

Add the chicken stock and bring to the boil. When the mixture is boiling stir in the salt and rice. Return the mixture to the boil then cover and reduce the heat. Cook for 20 minutes on low then check to see if all the liquid is absorbed and the rice cooked. Serve with a salad or green vegetables.

you call it a smoke alarm I call it a dinner bell

2011-05-01T12:50:00.000-07:00

Feb through to May its celebration Central at ours. Kicking off with Valentines day, the 15th is my sisters birthday, then my Dads, mine,my daughters, Easter, Rich's birthday, my nieces birthday Mothers day, ANZAC day and my Father in Laws b'day - all within 6 weeks. Whew! its a lot of Cake, also a lot of fun.

Is a challenge to make each special and memorable. Belles 2nd birthday and most recently her 18th are beyond memorable and likely to become stuff of family legend.

The 2nd birthday descended into complete chaos as soon as little friends arrived. I'd set up low trestle for kids to use as party table, resting old door on couple of empty crates, covered with cloth and plates of party food kids couldn't tell wasn't very stable - 2 -3 yr olds only barely human anyway.
Birthday girl, known to her family as "Cyclone Bella" for her tendency to leave trail of destruction in her wake, lent on it, sending entire table top and contents onto floor, in avalanche of party food, at which point kids thought it was like lolly scramble and dove for flying sausage rolls and cupcakes. Grown ups reinstated table and restored order only for it to happen again, twice.
All attempts at civility completely abandoned when someones kid kicked football across room. Ball landed squarely in middle of cake, impact sent table top slipping inexorably to carpet once again - At that point decided to just let them go for it. Was like lord of the flies as they scrabbled up the party food from the floor, the table, the ball...haven't laughed so hard in ages.

That two year old just turned 18, which must make me about 200 now. Anyway, Family Tradition dictates birthday person chooses menu for your big family dinner. Belle chose Ham a la Christmas eve, Pomme Dauphinoise - layers of potato sprinkled with a little garlic and salt and cream, slow cooked until tender and crispy on top. Arteries contracting at thought, but it is sooo good (trust the French to Kill you with Kindness).
We decorated and covered every surface with candles, accented with pink decorations and flowers, complete with floating candles in bowls of flowers on table - so pretty.
All went swimmingly, ham was Triumph, pototatoes eye rollingly good. Baked Alaska filled with Ginger nut ice cream was whipped out of freezer and slipped into hot oven to lightly brown, seconds later, spiked with sparklers, baptised with brandy, placed on a cake stand and set alight with a flourish. The flaming, sparkling, show stopping dessert was placed in front of the birthday girl, or at least cake stand was. Baked Alaska had taken leave of stand and was moving at alarming rate. Heat separated it from its base and it rocketed in flaming glory off the cake stand, only coming to rest when it collided with the table decorations in a retina searingly bright solar flare.

Was like watching a Viking funeral barge, as pudding blindly flamed its way down the the length of the table, flanked by awe struck family members some of whom likely thought this all part of the show. Rich was frozen in horror but I, never one to waste a good dessert, scrambled in between the relations and slipped my hand under the incandescent mound and lobbed it back onto the plate but not before we had burned a substantial impression into the dining table.

The dessert was a hit, and the daughter delighted but think next year we might just go to a restaurant.

Baked Alaska with Ginger nut ice cream

I used to think my mum was so clever when she made baked Alaska. Putting ice cream in the oven then setting it alight was culinary alchemy. Now my kids gasp with amazement as the golden tipped meringue covered “Bombe” emerges from the oven. This one is filled with Ginger nut ice cream. It’s dead easy, quick to make and can be made and frozen a day ahead.

Time to make:25 minutes plus freezing
Serves: 8-10

1 litre reduced vanilla ice-cream
½ packet of ginger nut biscuits – we use Griffins
1 thick trifle sponge
3 egg whites
¾ cup caster sugar
40 ml brandy- optional

A 1 litre - 1.2 litre capacity bowl
Cling film

Remove the ice cream from the freezer and allow it to soften but not melt.
Tear off a long piece of cling film and lay it inside the bowl covering the base of the bowl with the excess length hanging over the sides. Spread it to line the sides of the bowl as best you can.
Slice the sponge in half horizontally to make two sponge sheets. Cut one of the sheets into triangles and arrange the triangles in the base of the bowl, cutting and trimming (and squashing if needed) to completely cover the base of the bowl. Cut the remaining sheet of sponge into strips to cover the sides of the bowl, again trimming and packing so there are no gaps. It’s easy and quick to do.
Place the biscuits into a bag and smash them with a rolling pin until crumbs. Using a large spoon, fold the crumbs into the softened ice cream.
Pack the ice cream into the sponge lined bowl and fold the excess cling film over the top. Place into the freezer to re freeze.
When the ice cream is frozen again prepare the meringue. Place the egg whites in a clean bowl completely free from any grease. Beat with an electric beater until it forms firm peaks, then beat in the caster sugar a spoonful at a time. When all the sugar is incorporated and the ice cream has frozen solid, remove the bowl from the freezer and invert the bowl over a heat proof plate or platter. Using the cling film to gently pull, easing the “bombe” out of the bowl.
Using a spatula, pile the meringue onto the Bombe, working from the top down, quickly cover it in a thick layer of meringue. Take a bread and butter knife and use the tip to make swirls of meringue all over the bombe- this all only takes a few minutes.
The bombe can now be re frozen for use the following day or it can be baked.
To bake the Bombe pre heat the oven to 220°. When the oven is hot take the bombe from the freezer and place directly into the oven. Bake for 5-10 minutes until golden. To flame the bomb, heat the brandy in a small saucepan then set it alight and pour over the cooked meringue bombe.

Greedy girl abroad

2011-04-03T16:51:00.000-07:00

Haven't blogged for a few weeks as was flat out gearing up for long awaited week away. Very long awaited. Rich wanted to go to Grand Prix in Melbourne for 40th b'day but was around time dg was born, and were so poor trip to library rated as big splash out.

Back then, while not exactly huddled round candle flame for warmth, we'd have laughed like drains at the suggestion of overseas trip, as could barely scrape up $20 for Kindy trip!

10 years, 8 books and Rich now working for "the man", we finally fulfilled our Melbourne Grand Prix dream. When we told sister and brother in law our plans, response was along lines of goody, when do we leave? - Fab, they knew Melbourne well - also meant Rich had bloke to take to race day leaving Fran and I to mercies of Melbourne shops. Bliss.

Is very foody city, entire first day was spent lurching from Macarons to Cup cakes, Boreks to brioche...had slowed down a little by the end of the week, as belt very tight and feet agony. Utter highlight was tapas at MoVida - recommended by several FB fans - Also amazing brioche filled with custard and bitter choc from patisserie at Victoria market. Am now constantly craving spicy lamb borek and will need to learn to make some, and melt in the mouth Gnocchi with a slow cooked lamb ragout. Pretty much all peasant influenced cuisine.

Breakfasts were also highlight -Fran made bircher muesli soaked in orange juice each night and topped it off with passion fruit yoghurt to serve - tastes of paradise, tropical islands and drinks with little umbrellas in like might be served on The Love Boat.

Most amazing thing was didn't cook a meal for 7 whole days - first time in over 20 years! do like cooking, but really liked not cooking for a change.

Frans Breakfast Paradiso

per person: a small serve of good quality un toasted muesli with tropical dried fruits

orange juice - enough to soak muesli

Greek yogurt with passion fruit pulp either ready made or mix your own

A fresh peach, nectarine or some melon - optional

The night before mix the orange juice into the muesli and leave in the fridge overnight to soften.

To serve, stir through a big dollop of passion fruit yoghurt, add some chopped fresh fruit such as a peach, nectarine or some melon if in season.

Eat while lolling about reading paper and follow with excellent coffee and if poss shopping for shoes, handbags or trying on expensive perfume.

out of the frying pan

2011-02-27T13:39:00.000-08:00

Has been a horror week in NZ- tradgedy on epic scale as a loved historic city crumbles under the forces of nature, indicriminately robbing us forever of treasured people and places. For those who are left the losses this week are incalculable,mind numbing and energy sapping. When grief is at its most acute even mundane tasks seem monumental. Hunger is no respecter of grief though, nor will go away simply because you have no kitchen or water. So how do you feed the family or the neighbours or even just yourself with no running water, no power and little or no equipment? One pan on the barbecue if neccesary will do - in fact if you have no frying pan available a foil roasting pan from the supermarket will suffice.

Tin Pan Tucker- Chicken with Couscous

Couscous is light, filling and trebles in volume when cooked which takes only a few minutes so its ideal camping tucker.
This dish is easy to do in an Aluminium roasting pan on the barbecue or campfire, you can also of course do it in the oven at home in a roasting pan.

Serves 4 – 6
1 disposable foil roasting pan – available in supermarkets
1 sheet of aluminium foil to cover the pan
8-10 chicken drumsticks with the skin removed or skinless thighs
2 cloves garlic crushed
2 rashers of bacon with the fat removed chopped
4 carrots peeled and sliced
1 head broccoli or other green vegetable chopped
1 tsp thyme
2 cups sterilised hot water
4 teaspoons chicken stock
2 cups couscous
Cooking spray

Pre heat the barbecue grill to a medium flame Spray the pan with cooking spray or rub lightly with oil and add all the ingredients except the couscous.
Cover the pan with the foil crimping it tightly around the edges and place on the prepared grill. Cook for 40 minutes giving it a gentle shake half way through the cooking time.
Remove the pan from the heat and take off the foil cover. Stir in the cous cous and cover with the foil for 3-4 minutes until the liquid is absorbed and the couscous fluffy. Serve immediately.

Cooks Tip: Aluminium foil pans weigh next to nothing and are reasonably inexpensive however if you want you can re use the pan and the foil covering over and over. Just wash them carefully as you don’t want punctures.
Frozen meat will stay frozen in a well packed chilly bin for two days, gradually defrosting during day two.

Tin pan tucker - Hoi sin Chicken and rice

This cooking method is so easy, just throw the ingredients in the pan and cover with foil. Sling onto the Barbie then no pans to wash as you can crush the pan up and put it in the rubbish.
I allow two drumsticks per adult or 1 for littlies, adjust the amounts according to what you need.

Serves 4 or more
1 disposable aluminium Foil roasting pan, – available from supermarkets
a sheet of foil large enough to cover the pan.
8 Chicken drumsticks with the skin removed or skinless thighs
4 carrots peeled and sliced
2 cloves garlic crushed
1 head or broccoli broken into pieces or other veg
¾ cup long grain rice per person – I use basmati (45 g per person)
1 1/3 cups sterilised water allow 1/3 cup per person, hot if possible
2 tsp chicken stock powder
3 tbsp Hoi sin sauce
1 heaped teaspoon grated ginger
Big pinch of Chinese 5 spice
Cooking spray

Heat the barbecue grill or set a grill. Spray the pan with cooking spray or rub with oil. Place the chicken and vegetables and the rice into the greased pan.
Add the ginger, Hoi sin sauce and stock powder to the water to help distribute them and pour into the pan. Sprinkle in the 5 spice and give it all a little mix.
Cover the pan with the sheet of foil, crimping it tightly around the edges to ensure the heat doesn’t escape.
Place over a medium heat on the barbecue grill.
Cook for 40 minutes. The pan will need a gentle shake after 20 minutes to mix it a little. Serve piping hot.

boy food

2011-02-13T12:56:00.000-08:00

Was talking to Pete about his boy who is doing Farming Internship. Up at 4.30 am, solid day of hard physical stuff, sports all evening, and fed large mountains of good plain food throughout day. Boy, not surprisingly, completely knackered but also content.

Is strong similarity between farming college and military training. Strategy appears simple - keep em busy and exhausted, so no energy for fighting, shagging or arguing. Is excellent plan to my mind, as by some miraculous feat, boys also suddenly able to make own beds and fold clothes instead of sleeping in squalor and dumping on "floordrobe".

Strategy succeeds or fails on food. Hungry tired boys are dangerous species, capable of great evil. So food is stuff my mum refered to as "Boy Food", meat and spuds, meat and pastry, meat and gravy...As was only my sister and myself , boy food was reserved for boyfriends, builders and brothers in law. But we also loved simple filling Old School type meals.
Meat and eggs are great muscle building protien, with high satiety factor - protein makes us feel full. Starchy carbs are all about energy, also comforting and cheap!Unless you are v. active boy, keep serving to size of fist.

As we are not on farm and don't have military budget, but have high energy boys to feed, is necessary to choose carefully, or teenager taming comes at great financial cost. One of cheapest and leanest meat cuts is brisket or Corned Beef. Is great boy food, wonderful with mashed spuds. Also good in sandwiches with relish or chutney it is underrated "old school" food, easy inexpensive and simple.

Slow cooker corned beef

The slow cooker is invaluable when you are out all day, corned beef is tasty however you cook it so is less likely to be bland than many other slow cooked meat meals.

1 piece of corned silverside- whatever size best suits your household, adjust cooking time according to the weight
1 onion, sliced
2 carrots, sliced lengthways- can include other veg if you wish but may get a bit soft
1 bay leaf
1 cup ginger ale
zest and juice of an orange
6 whole cloves
1 teaspoon black peppercorns

Place the meat into the crock pot, add the spices and vegetables, juice and ginger ale. Cover and cook on low 7-9 hours or according to the manufacturer’s recommendations for meat by weight.
Remove the meat from the liquid and allow to rest for 10 minutes before slicing.
Serve with mashed spuds, green veg and a good chutney or relish.

Classic Corned beef

Corned beef, silverside or corned brisket – whatever you call it this is a lean cut of meat with a salty flavour. Serve hot with veg or cold in slices. Make sure you allow plenty of time as it needs to simmer for an hour or more.
I piece of corned beef – whatever size best suits your household, adjust cooking time according to the weight
1 onion peeled but left whole
a few 3-4 whole cloves
6 peppercorns
1 tbsp brown sugar or golden syrup
1 tbsp malt vinegar
Cold water to cover
Place the meat into a large saucepan, add the spices and cover with water. Stir in the sugar or syrup and the vinegar and bring to the boil. Simmer the meat allowing 25 minutes per 500g.
Remove the meat from the water and allow to rest for 10 minutes before slicing.
Serve with mashed spuds, green veg and a good chutney or relish.

our daily bread

2011-02-06T11:22:00.000-08:00

My nephew El once ate his toast into shape of lion, roared at himself with it, then was too frightened to eat it. He is funny boy, but I am thinking is not bad idea to give toast a miss for a while as is getting scarily expensive to have bread from shops.

Have watched price of basic wholegrain sliced loaf increase from $1.99 to over $3.00 over last couple of years and set to rise higher after disastrous year in Queensland.

Bought some extra flour before price goes up, but as loaded cupboard with 5 kg bags felt like crazy US apocalypse fanatic from mountain compound. Type who hoard food, have eleven wives, most of them cousins, big beards (even the wives) and large cache of semi automatic weapons! Had to apply copious lip gloss and mascara to counteract effect of hoarding as felt self slipping into serious checked shirt territory.

When kids were little I made all our bread by hand as were too poor to buy nice bread and am bread snob - cant abide pappy bread even if very cheap. As never owned bread making thingy have done this always by hand. Bread repertoire now increased to include many treat type breads and scrolls, loaves and buns, but standout breakfast fave these days is toasted homemade English muffins.
Was camping a week or so back at annual Parachute music festival, no cooking facilities except camping burner and 4-5 teenagers to feed. Toasted English muffins were ideal brekkie for all of us. 2 batches made roughly 26+ muffins for less than $5 bucks.

Since developing recipe, price of milk also soared, so if wanting to make without using pricey fresh milk either substitute with milk from powder, or I used 1/4 cup condensed milk. Made up balance with water, didn't need to add sugar as condensed milk V. sweet.
Left me with 3/4 can condensed milk - perfect amount for chocolate caramellow brownie which also went down well with young-uns. Saving on basics means treats still possible too.

English muffins

My family all like English muffins as a quick breakfast or snack, but boy they’re expensive to buy for such a simple thing! These homemade ones are lovely and easy enough for a novice baker.

4 ¼ cups plain flour
1 sachet instant yeast
½ tsp sugar
1 tsp salt
2 cups warm milk or milk from powder or 1/4 condensed milk + 1 1/4 cups water-omit sugar
1 egg beaten
50 g butter

Dust 2 oven trays with flour
In a large bowl combine the instant yeast, sugar, flour and salt.
In a small pan, melt the butter then add the milk and heat gently. The liquid should be warm but not hot. If you are not sure, hold your little finger in it and count to 10. If it’s uncomfortably hot by the time you get to 10 allow it to cool a little, if it doesn’t feel warm at all, heat it up.
Make a well in the centre of the flour and pour in the egg and the butter and milk mixture. Use a large metal spoon to mix to a soft dough.
Knead lightly for 2 minutes then place into a large greased bowl and allow to rise. Either by z9i setting aside in a warm place until doubled or by using the microwave method.
Pre heat the oven to 190°
When the dough has doubled in size knead it lightly and roll on a floured bench to 1 cm thickness. Cut into circles using a large cutter (I use my favourite “tuna tin” cutter to make 10cm circles). Re roll the trimmings and you should end up with 15 muffins. Place on floured trays and rest for 10 minutes.
Bake them for 7 minutes then turn them over and bake a further 7 minutes, until lightly golden.
To serve split muffins in half and toast lightly, top with jam, honey, ham or whatever else you fancy.

Cook’s Tip: If you are planning on freezing the muffins, split them first, they’ll defrost quicker.

For spicy fruit muffins

Add to the dry ingredients
2 tsp allspice
2 tsp cinnamon
¼ tsp ground cloves
½ tsp mixed spice
½ cup sultanas soaked in boiling water for a few minutes to plump them up

Or develop your own spicy fruit blend

2011-01-25T17:53:00.000-08:00

Am in the horrors as seem to have haemorrhaged money for the last 5 or so weeks. If result was lovely tan from lying beside infinity edge pool in 5 star resort and sipping expensive cocktails with little umbrellas out of a coconut, wouldn't be so bad. But reality was modest family Christmas then 7 days camping in tent by beach!

Camp kitchen well equipped with fridges, freezers and great big stoves. Most campers are longtime regulars, A result is certain routines evolve in kitchen as campers begin to prepare evening repast. cheeses are opened and sampled, one day blue cheeses, another goat cheeses, another creamy rind cheeses... wine is uncorked, serious cooking takes place.
Young people armed with dried noodles and canned stew have new foods and flavours thrust upon them and hush falls as "the engineers" 3 regulars, prepare for camp kitchen annual Master chef challenge - this year is curry competition.
Big mike is going for South African Vibe (big Mike also brought block of fresh yeast - kindly shared with me, a deep fat fryer - yup took it camping, he is BIG for a reason, and blender- for making cocktails naturally) other guys are doing Thai and North Indian curries. Smells are amazing - no premixes here - fresh ginger, chilli's, coriander and cumin seeds...Self makes fresh berry tart (went berry picking), my pudding looks so show stoppingly gorgeous cannot avoid being drawn into discussions, tastings etc. Berry tart was a hit with our lot, all curries were a sensation and budget took a hammering. We ate in one week 3 times normal grocery budget.
This type of free form tart is easy to assemble and works with all manner of sweet fruit fillings.

1 quantity of sweet shortcrust pastry, same one as I use for mince pies etc - a pile of berries and a few good handfuls of sugar. Roll out the dough on greased baking sheet, pile berries on - thin layer for big tart or in a heap for smallish one like mine. Sprinkle liberally with sugar (to sweeten and form a syrup with juices while cooking) press sides up around tart, brush crust with egg white and sprinkle on some more sugar. Bake @180 till golden. Mmmmm

spoiled for choice

2010-12-19T16:00:00.000-08:00

One of my biggest challenges after over a decade as food writer, developing hundreds (and hundreds) of recipes, is what to make when people come for dinner.
Am worried people expect impressive Michelin star restaurant type stuff -"flambe of organic baby unicorn in honeysuckle souffle, with truffled rhino horn jus and an oxygen foam"- or some such fancy schmancey stuff.
But fact is I only do "family food". I made my name stretching one chicken breast and 1/2 can of beans into 4 course dinner for 6 - while knocking out a batch of scones and recycling the recycling. Am very happy to eat anything I didn't have to make myself - invite me around for cheese on toast and I'm thrilled! but I suffer from serious performance anxiety at home.
Earlier in year to solve problem I developed my own Help menu. I chose a couple of recipes that were interesting and tasty and made same dishes for each lot of visitors -worked really well until last week when realised we had friends coming who had already had that menu!
Horrors- practically had night sweats trying to decide what to make! Feel very silly as actually really like having a house full of people, enjoy cooking for them, just hate making decisions (also not wild about cleaning but is another story).
Finally after far too much deliberation decided to do leg of lamb, as is a treat for us (anything not mince is treat for us actually). Marinated the lamb in yoghurt and herbs and slow roasted it. Served with crispy garlic roast spuds and a couple of salads. Dessert was old fave Hazelnut meringue roulade.
Was all really tasty, and had an enjoyable and convivial evening. Best of all though- have now sorted out next years help menu! Yay - just cant invite same people for dinner for another 12 months so sorry to those two couples- will be happy to have you to dinner again in 2012.

Here is my recipe for slow roasted leg of lamb - Mmmm - great winter or summer.

Yoghurt Baked lamb with Rosemary, mint and lemon

I love lamb and prefer to team it with seasonings that enhance rather than mask the delicate flavour of the lamb. This yoghurt marinade ensures the meat is tender and juicy and forms a tangy crust, I marinate it for a minimum of 5 hours or up to 24 hours.

Serves 6 -8 adults

1x 2.5 leg of lamb on the bone
1 cup natural unsweetened yoghurt
1 tbsp finely chopped rosemary – a couple of big sprigs
1 tbsp finely chopped mint
zest and juice of ½ a lemon
1 tbsp olive oil
½ tsp salt

Cut several slashes into the plump side of the joint. Combine the yoghurt rosemary, mint, lemon juice, zest, oil and salt and mix well.
Coat the lamb with the yoghurt mixture working it gently into the slashes. Place the lamb in a plastic bag and wrap it so the yoghurt marinade cant slide off the meat. Place in the fridge and allow to marinate for 5 hours or up to 24 hours. Give it a bit of a massage from time to time.
Pre heat the oven to 180, place the lamb into a roasting pan, salvage as much of the yoghurt marinade as you can from the bag and spread over the meat. Bake the lamb at 180 for 20 minutes then reduce the temperature to 170 and bake allowing 20 minutes per 500g so roughly 2 ½ hours.
Allow the lamb to rest for 10 -15 minutes before carving.

food of love

2010-12-16T10:33:00.000-08:00

I always encourage people to teach their kids to cook, as is essential life skill and frankly am terrified that one day I may depend on them to feed me when I am old and infirm and if they cant cook I'll die of malnutrition or worse food poisoning! But is not only kids who need to learn.
Anne and Bill have been married 60 years. They have strict division of labour, common to their generation. Anne cooks and runs house, Bill looks after finances and plays golf.
They raised 4 boys, and enjoy a quiet and comfortable retirement. That was until a fortnight ago. Anne fell while watering garden, savagely breaking several of her 84yr old bones, 4 surgeries later she was finally on the road to recovery and Bill was tired of toast. Survival instinct kicked in and he found himself in the unfamiliar territory called kitchen. Never having attempted to cook anything other than eggs or toast he decided to roast a chicken.
With great pride he regaled Anne during visiting hours of his achievement. He'd successfully cooked a chook. Anne was amazed, how did he do it ?
Apparently there were instructions printed on the pack and Bill had simply followed them. In all the years she's cooked for him she'd never needed to look and he'd never needed to cook.

Don't you wish you'd married Anne? I'd even wear the ugly golf trousers if it meant coming home to a cooked meal everyday - sigh. anyway heres how I cook a chook

To Roast a Chicken

A roast chicken is one of the simplest and most satisfying dishes, the house will smell wonderful while it cooks, and once you’ve mastered the basic technique you can try all sorts of variations.

Pre heat the oven to 180º
Allow 20 minutes per 450g plus an extra 20 minutes at the end.
Make sure the chicken is fully defrosted, pat it dry with a piece of kitchen paper and place it in a roasting pan. Sprinkle the bird with a little salt and pepper and put it into the pre-heated oven.
During the cooking time baste the chicken with the juices in the pan, use a large spoon and carefully spoon the hot pan juices over the whole chicken, this helps it to brown evenly and keep it moist.

When the cooking time is completed pierce the plumpest part of the chickens thigh with a sharp knife and press the flesh firmly, have a look at any juice that comes out, it should be clear. If there is any pink juice at all cook the chicken for another 20 minutes then check it again. If you have allowed 20 minutes per 450 g plus another 20 it should be fine.

Remove the chicken from the oven; cover with foil to keep it warm then let it rest for 10 minutes before you cut it up. This will allow the meat to relax and will be more moist and tender to eat.

Roast chicken is delicious hot or cold, serve with gravy or chutney, hot roast vegetables, mashed spuds or salad.

Hints and tips: Rubbing the skin with butter before it cooks will make it extra golden and crispy but does add extra unnecessary fat.
Adding lemon or orange segments to the cavity inside the bird will help keep a big bird moist as it cooks, herbs and garlic will infuse flavour and bacon strips placed over the breast of the bird will keep it moist and flavoursome.
Marinades and barbecue style sauces will all add variety to a roasted bird as will dry spice rubs or some liquid in the pan while the bird cooks, you could use stock, wine, or a combination.

2010-11-11T16:32:00.000-08:00

Was totally inspired by one of our FB followers losing 65kg. Asked her if she would allow us to share her story and she generously agreed. I love that she is making good "lifestyle choices" rather than dieting. Simple substitutions, and moderation rather than deprivation seem to have been the keys to Michelles sucess - as well as her own determination of course.
This approach gets the big thumbs up from me and it clearly works - just look at the pictures. Thanks Michelle.

Hi Sophie,
I am emailing you in response to your post on facebook.
This Christmas will mark 4 years since I was 150kg. I was a size 28 and could not do up my shoes. It wasn't until I saw the christmas photos that I realised just how bad things had become. I started on Weight Watchers, by having to count my points I learnt to totally change the way I cooked - I discovered that I don't need oil to make crisp roast potato. I also learnt to make wise changes - I love food,and I love to cook and entertain, and I don't like to miss out, so I have had to adapt many recipes.
Instead of cream in a sauce I use reduced cream, coconut flavoured reduced cream instead of coconut cream. Instead of oil I use a little red wine vinegar on my roast vegetables, and there are plenty more changes I have made.
I still have treats but when I do, I will have a vegetable stirfry for dinner. I have also learnt that breakfast is important - when I was at my biggest I didn't eat all day, but as soon as the kids went to bed I would eat a full days worth of food in 1 hour.
I used to eat a packet of chippies a day (a large pack) but I have discovered poppadoms, which I cook in the microwave for 30 seconds each - done this way there is no oil and they are great with some salsa. As a sweet treat I will have a few marshmallows but I will always put them into a bowl and then put the packet away so I am not tempted!!
As of this morning, I now weigh 83.9kg and am a size 10 - 12.

Thank you and kind regards

Michelle

gun powder treason and plot

2010-10-18T21:13:00.000-07:00

Have been thinking about Guy Fawkes night, and traditions around dubious fire work festival.
I am perfect example of why fireworks should not be sold to children, as liked nothing better than hunting out change to spend at corner shop on strings of bright red "tom thumbs" like little dried chilli's, or bigger, louder, hotter "double happy's" which were flung with gay abandon off verandah, or hidden in letterbox, or occaisionally, if Jason from over road was round, held between teeth -(where were my parents?)
Sounds terrible I know, but everyone did same back then. Recall one wild guy fawkes night being handed lit roman candle by adult and told to RUN! firework gushed incandecent stream of flame and sparks, like comets tail behind me as I tore around garden in dark.
Would undoubtably have been horribly maimed if I fell, or firework malfunctioned, but as neither happened moment is enshrined as glorious childhood memory. Felt like Tinkerbell trailing sparkles across the sky. Little frisson of danger made it all the more exciting.

But God forbid anyone hand MY kid lit incendiary device! My kids (to best of my knowledge) have never chucked fireworks off a verandah or exploded them between teeth (I haven't told them I did this). Nor have they ever traveled in car on someones lap, or in boot,or on back of a trailer, all perfectly normal. albeit dangerous, back in dark ages when I was youth.

Accidents and fires are constant concerns, and pets quake in fear - although chance to get own back on large scary "jump out and bark at you" dogs up driveway has significant appeal...

I will always love smell of fireworks and enjoy writing my name on the night with silver sparkler, but increasingly appreciate that freedom to purchase and let off highly flamable and dangerous explosive devices in close proximity to home and loved ones, is not a freedom I feel worth fighting for.
I will however fight to the death for my right to eat sponge cake with strawberries and cream, toffee apples, pavlova and treacle toffee on fireworks night. Also love watching kids faces as they stand around bonfire toasting marshmallows, and listening to teens mocking and scorning then in next breath cooing with delight at starry display bursting to life above them.
whether its at home or a display,memories will be made and gunpowder will turn to golden stars before your eyes. And just when its all about to end there is sponge cake with strawberries...you better be sure to save me some!

Snack time at mother Hubbards

2010-10-10T16:30:00.000-07:00

Have spent school hols waging war with boy/man/child over contents of pantry, or in his opinion lack of.
He simply refuses to acknowledge that ingredients are actual food, so complains constantly that I am starving him.
Apparently every other house is bursting at seams with snack foods, and all contain Fridges and freezers yeilding treasure trove of goodness to which young uns apparently are granted unlimited access.
Is constant source of shame to him that he is famished, and as he is son of foodwriter, I should be suitably shamed for not providing adequately. Will me all my fault if he gets malnutrition ...

Who are these people he knows with bulging cupboards? and what are they filled with??? And how do they afford it when milk is more expensive than petrol and a basic loaf of bread is $3.00. Don't they know how hard they are making it for the rest of us!

Have to admit that last week I was starting to waiver, begining to think maybe I should ingulge him, as is goodish lad, and makes me laugh (sings "you're beatiful to me" while I'm in dressing gown with scary morning hair, and says things like "my beef is not with you old woman" when he is cross about something).

Fortunatley had not yet caved in, as came home the other afternoon to find he'd cooked a platter of potato wedges for himself and friend ! Gaah! you'd have thought they'd discovered cure for Cancer! so pleased with themselves, posturing around the kitchen talking bollocks about seasonings and such. Was like they'd unleashed their inner Gordon Ramsay with a pinch of oregano and some cayenne pepper.
But was not the end of it, awoke next morning to smell of burnt butter.
Man child had made pancakes. From scratch. Flour, baking powder, eggs, milk, sugar, whisk...and all over again with the smugness, never mind its my recipe. Apparently better pancakes were never enjoyed by the male species, than those produced that morning!

Also noticed the toasted sandwich maker made an appearence and as there have been no further complaints about lack of food, is safe to assume they worked out how to plug it in and turn it on.

It would be easier no doubt to buy noodles and pies and frozen pizza's and such, but believe wholeheartedly that he'll be better off in the long run knowing how to roast a pan of wedges or knock together a batch of pancakes, and while he may never thank me for making him cook, one day I may have a daughter in law who will!

Flight or fright

2010-08-17T20:15:00.000-07:00

Had a lovely Japanese home stay student a few years ago who described her job with airline as "fright attendant". I thought was very apt as have spent years dreading getting on planes after horror flight involving alarming amount of plummeting.
Was small plane, and situation not improved by cabin enjoying clear view of pilot fighting to keep plane upright whilst wiping sweat/tears? from his face. Man behind me was sobbing volubly, while cabin mates held hands across the aisle or scribbled notes to loved ones... self too terrified to do any of above, just prayed all would be well - which it was. But result was that henceforward boarding what is essentially just big tin can full of explosive material and hanging far far above ground for hours at a time, shifted from the logical side of my brain (which was only very sparsely furnished to begin with) into emotional side of my brain. Any suggestion of getting on plane stimulated instant rush of adrenaline to the terror and tears departments.
Fear of flying was not actually huge impediment for many years, as could barely afford to take bus let alone fly anywhere, but business has grown, and in last 2 years have had to fly several times a month sometimes several times a week.
First few times was total embarrassment- begging for medicinal alcohol from attendants before seat belt sign even lit. Sobbed noisily all over long suffering publicist after 5 flights in 4 days, and shrieked with terror on "vomit comet" leaving Wellington on a windy day, but even I can see I'm getting better.
Used to have to talk relentlessly to unsuspecting passengers to distract myself from slightest bump. So would know more about them than their gynecologist at the end of a 50 min flight. God help you if seated next to me on a long haul.
New I was doing well when headed off to Invercargill - Southland NZ last week - Flew from Auckland to Christchurch then had to change to small plane to go the final distance. Cant say I enjoyed flight, but was OK. Invercargill was cool (literally 5 degrees), lovely people and a unique and fascinating landscape. My biggest concern was that flight took as long as flying to Gold Coast only when landed was SOOOO not in Brisbane!
Am quite proud of self as am not brave or adventurous sort.
Wondered if others had conquered or were in process of facing a fear?

Warm spiced orange juice

2010-07-06T15:41:00.000-07:00

I made this warm punch for my daughter’s 15th birthday party, the kids loved it.
Spiced orange juice is fragrant and delicious, and is an alcohol free special drink that will be enjoyed
by adults and kids alike. It is the perfect drink for chilly evenings or mornings.

2 litres orange juice or a combination of
apple and orange
1 cinnamon stick
½ tsp mixed spice
¼ cup brown sugar
5 whole cloves

Pour the juice into a large saucepan and add the spices. Warm gently for around 20 minutes then serve hot in mugs or small cups. For a party or big group make a big batch and keep it warm in the slow cooker or crock pot.

Fat girl Fit

2010-06-29T17:02:00.000-07:00

Is no secret that I am greedy girl. Am also vain girl and always worried about fat backside.
Spent years dieting, and was expert dieter by adulthood, having majored in disordered eating during teens. Learnt calories were the enemy from my mum who was always either on diet or falling off one, she loved food and was terrific cook, but always dieting.

I did Atkins diet, Israeli Army diet, cheese and raisin diet, soup diet, bread diet, raw food diet, Weight watchers, F plan, liquid diet meal substitutes and more. Just got plumper every year. Dieting doesn't work, research shows dieting alone makes you fatter in long term. We just cant live on diet forever so when we stop we gain back not only what we lost, but more besides. So depressing - 10 lb baby hadn't helped any either.
Gradually started to exercise - doing long vigorous walks several times a week but took sooo long, picked up the pace and began to run a bit - on the down hills and stuff. Gradually built up to running several hilly kms a time and felt good about being able to "run for my life if I had to".

About 6 years ago was so fed up battling bulge I decided to join gym and determined if I was going to do it (as was v.expensive) would really have to use it. Wanted to get off diet merry go round for ever. I did 12 week intensive program at Gym to kick off, went 6 days a week, pushed myself hard and lost 7 kgs. I have kept off 5 of them and am fit (but not slim). Discovered that having some muscles makes you look trimmer, and exercising when fit is invigorating- is agonising when unfit. I never imagined I could be fit "gym type person" ! No one more surprised than me.

Found I got sick less, had more stamina for physical demands of job and developed healthier eating habits. Now am huge exercise advocate and wish I'd done this way sooner

I avoid useless calories -eg: don't drink juice, soft drinks unless sugar free or much alcohol. Never ever eat candy bars or boring biscuits, or bought pizzas, very rarely eat takeaways, sugary cereal etc. But relish lovely piece of cake or yummy dinner.

I look for active opportunities, activity of any kind . Many of my recipes are really healthy (I wrote for Healthy Food guide for several years). Bake as is fun and is food to be shared. Because it's not forbidden I don't need to "pig out".
I use lite olivani for baking unless special treat, and use very little oil in cooking - saving calories for where they really count - ie CAKE!

Want to change your shape? want to keep up with the kids? just want to feel better?

Get pair of trainers (I started with Warehouse ones), some cheap leggings (2 for $25 in Glassons- go halves with a friend) and some running shorts for over top (to disguise wobbly thighs and cover dimply skin) and a good bra!!! (Kmart is pretty cheap) - girls only obviously

When kids are at sports practice walk/jog round the park
Walk everywhere you can and break into jog, every now and then
See if each time you can jog one letterbox further than last time
Keep walking shoes in car - if you have time to kill - slip em on and do lap or two of car park
Put fast music on Ipod - if you play slow music you'll move slower
Meet friends for a walk and finish at cafe for coffee instead of meeting in cafe - talk as you walk
When weather is too bad try a group class at YMCA or community centre or gym
If you have injuries try Aqua walking at local pool
make it do-able. No way am I going running at 5am on winter morning! be realistic and succeed
Healthy choices aren't expensive - health care is...

Love to know what you think re fit v fat etc

Trash or treasure

2010-06-22T20:09:00.000-07:00

Am feeling Old today - my beloved nephew El had birthday today - turning 20 which makes me, well Older than 20 anyway.
El has promised to take me dumpster diving sometime, he and friends are waging private war on waste by clambering into supermarket dumpsters and "recycling" - or um, "re appropriating"?? dated but perfectly good food. Boxes of chocolates, loaves of bread, packets of fancy biscuits... is not because they're stingy (although they are poor - students all of them), same boys won't hesitate to offer food to homeless person or clothes or whatever. Dumpster diving is way of hitting back at corporate waste and ridiculous consumerism.

Rich is appalled I wan't to do this. So wont tell him - will wait till there is football on telly.
Also will not get in actual dumpster myself as already mentioned, I am old, and not so able to clamber out in hurry if necessary. Don't want close call like prince William nearly getting run over by rubbish truck when doing homeless experience. will be lookout person, and will run very very fast if approached by security guard as dumpster diving not actually encouraged by supermarkets. Do want to see for myself though, also would like to have free boxes of chocs.

Why is there so much waste when food prices so high? Why are these things not "on special" so we can choose to buy them cheap - is high wastage driving prices up? Do you think El and his friends are wrong or should discarded food be "fair game"? What do you think?

Retro baking - Rock cakes rock

2010-06-08T14:57:00.000-07:00

Rock cakes

One of the first things I baked as a child – some people call them “childrens cakes” because they are so easy and quick to make, they are ideal for impatient eager young bakiers. Rock cakes are a bit like a fruity sweet scone – excellent with a cup of tea or a glass of milk.

1 cup of plain flour
1 heaped tsp baking powder
50 g butter or olivani
¼ cup sugar
¼ cup currants
¼ cup sultanas – or a tablespoon of candied mixed peel
1 egg – lightly beaten
a pinch of mixed spice
a splash of milk -1-2 tbsp should be enough
Pre heat the oven to 200°

Rub the butter into the flour until it resembles fine breadcrumbs or stir in the sugar, baking powder, spice and dried fruit. Mix in the egg and just enough milk to make the mixture moist enough to clump together. You can make rock cakes in the food processor, pulsing the mixture to as not to over- mix it and pulverize the fruit .
Place mounds of mixture onto a cold greased baking tray – this quantity makes approximately 8 Rock cakes but you can easily double it.
Bake in the preheated oven for 10-15 minutes or until turning golden.

Slow learner

2010-05-27T15:45:00.000-07:00

Had another go at slowcooking. Bought big piece of corned beef from butcher who actually makes it by soaking in Brine - Old School style.
Read facebook posts and determined to cook mine in gingerale, with juice and zest of 1/2 an orange, a bay leaf , and large pieces of kumara, swede and carrot around outside.
5 hours on high - beef is cooked. Tastes just the same as if I'd boiled it. Veges are soggy and v. Salty. Served with brocoli and saute potatoes.
Will not bother doing again unless have to go out in early evening and cant cook in usual manner as was no noticable advantage to doing it slow.
Personally couldn't use slow cooker for dinner everyday as am crying out for some scrunch and crunch on my plate after only 2 days. Is like eating toddler food -would have been good when tooth was sore though.

Will continue to experiment but am just not liking the textures and missing smell of sauteed onion and garlic and sizzling meat, crispy edges, and crunchy toppings.

Slow cooking for un believers

2010-05-26T12:40:00.000-07:00

Am trying to unlock the mysteries of the slow cooker. So many people passionately defending them, I must be missing something. Am not food snob, so will try to get over myself and give slow cooker a workout.
Bought house brand size 16 chook on special in big yellow supermarket. Made homemade BBQ sauce - not too much liquid as advised by- well everyone.

Used 1/3 cup tomato sauce, 1 tbsp white vinegar, 1 tsp soy sauce, 1 tsp Worcestershire sauce 2 tbsp brown sugar and 1 tbsp apricot jam - Yup made it up as I went along, was tangy and tasty.
Browned whole chook in frying pan then put in slow cooker, slathered on sauce and cooked on high about 5 hours. house smelt like rest home on muggy day - one of the things I most dislike about slow cooking, steamy, damp nappy smell.

Chicken was cooked and tender without disintegrating - so was happy, (have had chicken just fall bits in slow cooker - not tender, overcooked).
Feeling encouraged, scooped out sauce - which had multiplied substantially, skimmed the fat and thickened with cornflour, poured over chicken and mash and happily ate.
Did not taste blurry or bland.

Next time I will not brown chicken first, instead will try removing breast skin, so less fat, and sauce can permeate meat (I hope). Will also try adding some veg. overall a good result from an unbeliever.

let them eat cake

2010-05-24T13:32:00.000-07:00

Went to a seminar last week and learnt that we eat 25% more sugar a day now than we did in the 70's. Yikes!
Seminar was interesting despite being packed with dietitians and such like. I was starving so made a dash for the afternoon tea table as soon as break was announced.
Caterers had provided colourful array of chilly sliced fruit and healthy oaty looking bars. Obviously trying to score points with dietitians.
Miracle of miracles, I spotted one lone triangle of ginger crunch buried among the scroggin slice. Must have slipped in the pile by accident. I snagged it naturally,and was well into daily quota of sugar and fat before fatal mistake of gloating to my friend Claire that I'd got the only bit of slice with icing, next thing I know I'm sharing it. (Is easy to forget Claire is dietitian cos she actually likes food. most seem to treat it as mortal enemy).
One of the speakers at seminar is Head of public relations for McDonalds. Surprising the dietitians didn't stone her there and then. Was quite interesting that McDonald's have tried to sell healthy stuff, but people just don't go to Macca's for salad or cereal. Good that 50% of happy meals are now sold with a healthy option like fruit or water, but I kinda understand. While I personally haven't eaten Macca's in 8 years and don't plan to. When I go out I want the choice, all junk is clearly not good, but all healthy is no fun either and if I do choose the oat bar, then can I have a glass of wine with it?

2010-05-05T16:57:00.000-07:00

Have detected a worrying tightness around waistband of jeans. Concluded that diet high in cake is not entirely to blame as is actually genetic fault. Am simply to short for my appetite. If had legs several centremetres longer and a waist, would be able to spread the load over a greater area of mass. As it is, am still waiting to grow legs!
Also think fibres of denim contract when not in frequent use - has been too hot for jeans so havent worn them for months. I am sure this phenomena is not unique to my jeans. Anyone else have similar experience?
I will research it on google while enjoying my morning coffee break - Flat White and White chocolate and macadamia brownie.

White chocolate and Macadamia brownie

This slice is luxurious yet super easy to make. Macadamias give it an engaging scrunch, and the finished brownie has the delectable fudgey-ness of a traditional brownie with creamy white chocolate instead. It’s a natural partner for raspberry coulis, great coffee and company.

225g butter or margarine
220g good quality white chocolate – I use a whole tablet of Cadbury Dream
2 cups sugar
4 eggs
1¼ tsp vanilla essence
2 cups plain flour
½ cup coarsely chopped raw macadamia nuts

Pre heat the oven to 180°
Line a Swiss roll or slice tin with non stick baking paper.
Melt the butter in a medium saucepan over a low heat , when melted add the sugar and stir well, then remove from heat and add the white chocolate, broken into pieces.
Stir the mixture until the chocolate is completely melted, it may have a curdled appearance at this stage, don’t despair.
Mix in the eggs one at a time and stir in the flour, vanilla and the chopped nuts. Pour into a well-greased and lined sponge roll or slice tin. Bake in a moderate oven at 180°C for 35 minutes.

Cool and cut into 24 fingers. Serve dusted with icing sugar.

D.I.Y or is that D.I. whine?

2010-04-25T13:32:00.000-07:00

Ever found that watching TV makes you feel like you have done stuff you haven't?

Like Jeremy Clarkson thinking he could speed round formula one race track, cos he'd done it lots on PlayStation- Twit!.

I had my first experience of wallpapering last week. Was pretty sure I'd be good at it as have watched it being done many times on TV and looks pretty easy on 60 minute makeover.

A week later, every muscle in my back and shoulders is still sore, I'm flaking wall paper paste from my elbows despite numerous showers, and a clump of my hair is lodged in the hinge of the ladder.

We have steep, high sloping ceilings. Is very wobbly at top of ladder and paper sticks to everything except wall, there was complicated pattern to match and ... it wasn't remotely fun. Worse, I'm not nearly as good at it as had assumed I would be. Very disappointing. Feel like suing TV for misrepresentation! If I'd known it would be hard, I'd have got Rich to do it.

Far more satisfying to do something really easy that looks Wow, and that you can eat afterwards, So made banoffee pie, used Dulce de Leche - caramel (see previous blog), a biscuit crust, and whipped cream, sliced banana and grated chocolate on top. So easy, totally yum and looks good too. You can use pastry if you prefer and bake it blind before filling with caramel. I like crumbly -ness of biscuit crust. Will put quantities up later- but any biscuit crust will do.

Dulce de leche

2010-04-12T16:04:00.000-07:00

Dulce de leche is rich creamy caramel sauce - boiling an un opened can of condensed milk for 3 hours creates beautiful caramel. It is nicer than the ready made one which always tastes wrong to me.

I think from memory in the slow cooker it took 5 hours on high and 7 on low but not 100% sure from memory. Once cooked you can store un-opened.

Always keep the can covered with water while simmering - to prevent the can from rattling in the water (which can be annoying when you consider that it'll need to be in there for several hours) put a rag under the can.

Ash Wednesday?

2010-03-31T15:16:00.000-07:00

Have been away a lot lately. Being away on my own as is a bit lonely but had lovely experience on Saturday when busing around distant city.

Love the bus! so much more fun than driving and so much less terrifying than flying. Also get to talk to interesting people.
Lady sitting next to me on return trip was utterly charming, youngish and somewhat quirky. She kept putting fingers in her mouth. I wondered if like me she had problem tooth so asked. Teeth fine actually, just having a good "poke around". Happy to engage in conversation she asked where I was from. I replied from Auckland, just away for a few days working... New friend was shocked as she could never live in Auckland because of all the snow. I tried to assure her that in my 40 odd years as an Aucklander it has never snowed nor come remotely near it but she was convinced saying "No too much snow, all the time, I couldn't bear it"! Think maybe she had confused Auckland with Alaska??
I learnt many interesting details about her, including fascinating detail about her hair - which she said she could feel growing and was clearly annoying her. (hair was quite short actually). Apparently it grows an inch a night, amazing! She planned to grow it down to her knees. I said was good as wont take long at all at that rate! She plans to use long long hair to tickle a boy she likes. Was really disappointed when conversation had to end at my stop. Every moment was pure delight!
Last night was telling family about bus friend while making dinner and hot cross buns when realised my diary and other paperwork had caught fire from gas hob. Diary was merrily ablaze - a sight that made me surprisingly happy. Also daughters birthday wish list, now burnt down to 1/4 its original length - also a happy sight.
Husband was really cross but kids and I in hysterics, only made him crosser actually and us more hysterical with laughter. Hot cross buns seem even more appropriate. If you look closely you may see ashes in the top of the picture.

Hot Cross Buns (way better than bought ones!)

This recipe makes around 24 great buns. You can use granulated yeast or instant yeast. I made these using 1 ½ sachets instant yeast, mixed into the flour. Then add the warm liquid. If using granulated yeast follow the instructions in the method.

2 cups warm water
¼ cup Condensed Milk
2 tbsp Dried Yeast granules
5 cups Plain flour
3 tsp mixed spice
3 tsp of cinnamon
½ tsp of salt
1 cup currants or raisins or a mixture
½ cup of mixed peel
50 g of softened Butter
2 eggs

Blend the water and condensed milk together and stir or sprinkle on the yeast, set it aside for about 10 minutes, the warm sweet liquid will gently bring the yeast to life, when it is frothy looking it is ready to use. Sift dry ingredients into a large bowl, mix in the dried fruit and peel, then make a hole in the centre. Pour in the yeast mixture along with the softened butter and eggs. Stir until combined then turn out onto a floured bench and knead it lightly. This is a moist dough so add extra flour as you knead until the dough is smooth. Put it in a greased bowl and cover with greased cling film (I spray the inside of a supermarket bag with cooking spray and then pop the bowl in). Leave in a warm place till dough doubles in size this should take around 40 minutes. Punch the dough then give it a quick knead. Divide into 24 portions and roll into balls. Place on a greased oven tray and cover with the greased plastic from before. Leave them for around half an hour or until doubled in size.

To make the crosses
½ cup Plain Flour
½ tsp baking powder
1 tbsp butter
About 3-5 tablespoons of water

Blend the ingredients together; the mixture needs to be soft enough to be piped. If you haven't got a piping bag, put the mixture into a plastic bag, squeeze it down to one corner then snip a tiny bit off the corner of the bag so you can squeeze the mix through the hole making crosses on the top of each bun.
Bake at 200°c degrees for 15 minutes then brush with sugar glaze and return to the oven for a further 5 minutes or until they look cooked.

Sugar Glaze
2 tbsp Sugar dissolved in ¼ cup warm water.

a sense of perspective

2010-03-14T13:21:00.000-07:00

Haven't blogged for a while as have had builders in. Sooo exciting!
We could finally insulate the fridge we refer to fondly as home.
Also retaining walls, so can access veggie garden without crampons, and other general repairs to stop rotten bits are falling off carport onto visitors.
Builder started 3 weeks ago. Half the house is in bits, teenage daughter living in garage in tent, hallway and 3 rooms gutted, dust and dirt everywhere - me trying to work in mess and noise.
Progress slow.
Serious concerns arose last week when Gib went up. Much tension- finally we called assessor in and all work halted.
Assessment says everything has been done wrong - thousands of dollars already spent. Builder incompetent. Retaining has to be removed and re done, all interior work has to be re done - sigh.

Was very upset - depressed, and stressed, as also have dodgy tooth thing going on - never one thing at a time!
Had visit from new - lovely highly recommended builder who came to NZ as refugee from Cambodia. In course of looking at sorry mess that is our house, he told his story.

When 8 years old whole village was force marched to killing fields - told they'd be executed ...mass graves ... only just saved from execution by arrival of Vietnamese Tanks...

Decided then and there not to cry about my broken house. Have never had to march my children to anything worse than dentist appointment!
Is only house and am lucky to have one. We have roof -(OK - not many walls -but that can be fixed). We have freedom and we have food in cupboard. Also now have sense of perspective. While there are some things that even cake cant fix, it could be a lot worse.

Cupcakes

2010-03-04T12:27:00.000-08:00

Carnival Cupcakes

This is a really easy, all in together mixture that makes light golden cakes that are firm enough to decorate, makes a tin full.

1 1/3 cups self-raising flour
A pinch of salt
100gr soft butter
½ cup sugar
2 large eggs
1 dessertspoon of lemon juice
Grated zest of lemon
Dash of milk

Pre heat oven to 190°c.
Line mini muffin pans with paper patty cases.
Combine all the main ingredients together in a bowl and beat until absolutely smooth - about 1-2 minutes.
Spoon the mixture into the prepared pans and bake for 15 -20 mins or until well risen and golden.
When cool, combine the glace icing ingredients, using only as much water as you need to make a spreadable icing. Ice the top of each cup cake with icing and decorate as desired.

Decorations
Press a smartie or other coloured sweet into the glace icing.
Sprinkle with hundreds and thousands and silver balls.
Sprinkle with decorator shapes – available in supermarkets and cake decorating shops
Make a thick butter icing, from 175 g icing sugar and 25 g soft butter beaten together, colour and flavour as desired and roll out between two sheets of non stick baking paper, refrigerate till firm then cut out shapes and designs using cutters, stick on with a dab of glace icing (alternatively you could buy a pack of ready made fondant icing from the supermarket and use instead.)

Butterfly cakes
When cool take a knife and cut a cone shape out of the top of each cake and fill the cavity with lemon curd or jam. Cut the little cone of cake in half and place it at angles on top of the lemon curd like butterfly wings then dust with icing sugar.

Dana's Chocolate Cupcakes

You know this recipe already, but you might not know that it makes great cupcakes
We believe this recipe is now one of the most frequently made recipes in the country. When people bring their cook books to dg cooking classes for me to sign, the page with Dana’s chocolate cake is always the most splattered and tattered, I even had a lady tell me she made it for the Sultan of Brunei’s household while doing a stint as their cook! It cuts neatly and freezes well too.

Preheat oven to 180°C

1 2/3 cups flour
1½ cups sugar
2/3 cup cocoa powder
1 ½ tsp baking soda – yes baking soda! (see cooks tips)
1 tsp salt
1½ cups of trim milk
100 g melted butter
2 eggs
1 tsp vanilla

Pour into the prepared patty cake cases and bake until firm and springy, this will depend on the size of the cases but probably at least 20 minutes.

Classic Chocolate Frosting
250 g icing sugar
100 g butter
1/3 cup cocoa
1 tsp vanilla
milk to mix

Place butter and dry ingredients in processor, pulse to combine then add a dash of milk and pulse again, continue until you achieve a soft spreadable icing then add vanilla.

Cook's Tips

We get so many emails from people who believe we have mistakenly said baking soda when we mean baking powder. Some have been so sure they have made it with baking powder.

Why use baking soda not baking powder?
Both baking soda and baking powder are leavening agents added to baked goods before cooking to produce carbon dioxide and cause them to 'rise'. Baking powder contains baking soda, but the two substances are used under different conditions.
Baking Soda is pure sodium bicarbonate. When combined with moisture and an acidic ingredient (e.g. yogurt, chocolate, cocoa, buttermilk, honey), the resulting chemical reaction produces bubbles of carbon dioxide that expand under oven temperatures, causing baked goods to rise. The reaction begins immediately upon mixing the ingredients, so you need to bake recipes that call for baking soda immediately, or else they will fall flat!

Troubleshooting

If you find your cupcakes come out a bit “wonky” on top, here are some suggestions to help produce lovely rounded ones

Cupcakes overflow while baking – try only filling your baking cup ¾ fill.

Cupcakes crack on the top – your oven may be too hot

Cupcakes are uneven on top – eg higher on the left hand side – this may be caused by the fan in your fan-forced oven pushing the mixture as it rises, some batters are very delicate (gluten free for example) – try turning off the fan and cooking them on the classic bake setting.

Rolled Icing

The white cup cakes show stamped icing – to achieve this effect we used Pettince ready-made icing which we rolled, cut to size using cookie cutters and stamped. We used a a stamp sheet as well from a cake decorating specialist supplier – this is a silicone sheet with a pattern – ours is all circles, impressed on it. You simply place the sheet on to the icing and roll with a rolling pin.
We also used wooden stamps from Trade Aid for the pretty paisley pattern.

We used pink food colouring in a variety of strengths for both the butter cream icing and for colouring the rolled icing, and we also used glace icing on some of the cup cakes.
If you don’t have any flower cutters you can purchase ready-made icing flowers and edible glitters etc from cake decorating suppliers

Making your own Icing

Glace icing

1 cup icing sugar
Squeeze of lemon juice or a drop or two of artificial colour and flavour such as raspberry or peppermint

Butter Cream icing

100 g unsalted butter
175 g icing sugar
Flavour and colour as required
Beat the butter until it is light and fluffy then add the icing sugar a little at a time beating well until it is all incorporated. The finished butter cream will be stiffer than whipped cream but a light and pale so can easily be coloured.

Scones

2010-03-01T13:39:00.000-08:00

We are renovating – Grrrr. Hate hate renovating.

I have builders in drinking copious coffees and generally clogging up car parking area with many many more vehicles than there are actual builders.
Have been baking for them each day in vain hope they’ll appreciate effort and put walls back in house. Kids rooms previously had no insulation, now situation Far Worse – no walls!

Teenage daughter is currently residing in tent in garage. Tent is to prevent crud falling on her when asleep. Living conditions very poor, but teenage daughter emerging from garage in shorty pyjamas each day at least ensures presence of builders, and lively if brief, spurt of hammering type activity.

Have fed them brownie, caramel pecan slice, chocolate berry muffins and today was scones - as nearly out of everything else and is shopping day but not till later.
Scones, cheap and easy and builders not particularly discerning. Not like judges on NZ’s hottest baker show on telly. Am mystified though that contestants had trouble with scones as soooo easy!

Here is good recipe – bad scones? No excuse!

Scones take only around 20 minutes to make from scratch. They cost less than $2.00 to make and provide 12 – 15 filling fresh scones. They will provide energy from carbohydrate, and are not high in fat like pies or biscuits. You can top them with butter, jam, marmite or cheese (leave out the sugar and add grated cheese to the mixture too if you have it.) If you have a processor then they’re even easier to make.

Pre heat the oven to 210˚C
3 cups plain flour and 3 tsp baking powder or 3 cups self raising flour
3 tbsp butter or table spread
A pinch of salt
A dessert spoon of sugar
Approximately 1 cup of milk (sour it with a squeeze of lemon juice if you have it)

Mix the dry ingredients together in a bowl then rub in the butter so it resembles bread crumbs. Add the liquid and mix quickly and gently to form a soft dough – do not knead as this will make the scones tough. Pat the mix together and roll out to rectangle roughly 2.5 cm thick. Slice into squares or use a cookie cutter or glass to cut out rounds.

Place on a baking sheet and bake in the preheated oven for 10 -12 minutes until well risen and slightly golden. Scones are best eaten fresh, leftovers can be frozen

The New Book!

2010-02-16T14:17:00.001-08:00

Sneak preview of the new book, 100+ tasty $10 meals is due for release on April 1st. If you want to pre order a signed copy for delivery first week of april you can do that via the website www.destitutegourmet.com

muffin break

2010-02-16T13:35:00.000-08:00

Just made lovely lovely banana walnut muffins. Can do this as have freezer full of black bananas.

Black banana is NOT exotic new variety.

Is what you get when you have far more bananas than you can use!

Filmed a TV commercial about healthy breakfasts and was given many many bananas by lovely banana company - would have been churlish to refuse - after all Free stuff!

made banana cakes, ate them, made more and gave some away, finally froze remaining bananas as utterly sick of banana cake - who knew that could happen? Cake is like oxygen to me. Anyway now utterly fed up with avalanche of frozen banana's cascading onto floor every time I open freezer. So made up new recipe.

Spicy banana walnut muffins with crunchy nut crumble topping. Had one warm with coffee - sooo good.

Muffins freeze well - as do bananas so don't actually have to eat whole batch- but probably will.

Banana walnut crumble top muffins

Muffin mixture begins to rise as soon as you add liquid to it. For the lightest muffins ensure you have everything else ready before adding the wet ingredients to the mixture. In this case, grease the pans, and make the topping first.

2 cups self raising flour
½ tsp baking powder
1 cup sugar
1 tsp mixed spice
½ tsp cinnamon
2/3 cup chopped walnuts
1 cup mashed banana 1-2 bananas
100 g melted butter or olivani
1 cup milk
1 egg

Topping
1/3 cup chopped walnuts
2 tbsp brown sugar
½ tsp mixed spice
2 tbsp pl flour
1 ½ tbsp butter

Pre heat the oven to 210°
Grease a 12 cup muffin pan.
Prepare the topping by pulsing the ingredients together in a processor or rub the butter into the dry ingredients with your finger tips then mix in the chopped nuts.
In a mixing bowl combine the flour, baking powder, sugar, spices and chopped walnuts. Mash the bananas and set aside. In a separate bowl, melt the butter and add the milk, mashed banana and a lastly the egg.
Fold into the dry ingredients using a large metal spoon. Do not over mix. Spoon into the prepared muffin pan and top each muffin with a sprinkle of the crumble topping.
Bake for 15 minutes or until golden, well risen and springy when gently pressed.

Valentine's Day Biscuit Bouquets

2010-02-10T14:08:00.001-08:00

To make biscuit bouquet you will need:

Tin, vase, pot or other wide mouthed container

Sand or pebbles

Polystrene/styrofoam - left over from packaging, if you don't have any, see if you can scrounge a chunk from an electrical store or some other retailer whose product is packaged in polystrene.

Popsicle sticks, wooden skewers or heat proof chopsticks

Decorated biscuits/cookies

To make the base, fill your chosen container 1/3 full of sand or pebbles. Pack the top with polystyrene.

Prepare the biscuits:

125g butter of shortening
1/2 cup sugar
1 1/2 cups plain flour
1 egg yolk
1 tsp of vanilla

Wooden or bamboo skewers

Non stick baking paper

Glace Icing

1 cup icing sugar

Squeeze of lemon juice or a drop or two of artificial colour and flavour, such as raspberry or peppermint

Decorations such as silver balls, celebration sprinkles, icing flowers, small candies ...

For filled biscuits - strawberry or raspberry jam and a dab of glace icing

Makes around 30+ frosted biscuits depending on size.

Preheat oven to 180C

Cream the butter and sugar until pale and fluffy. Add the egg yolk and vanilla and mix well, then stir in the flour and mix to a form dough. Knead the dough then lightly roll out on a floured surface slightly thicker than you usually would. Cut into shapes using decorative cutters. Insert skewers almost all the way through each cookie. If you are making jam filled cookies, use a small cutter to cut a shape from the centre of half the biscuits. Skewers will be inserted in filled biscuits once baked. Place prepared cookies on baking trays covered with non stick baking paper and bake for 10 to 15 minutes until lightly golden.

Combine the glace icing ingredients, suing only as much water as you need to make a spreadable icing. Ice the top of each cooled cookie with icing and decorate as desired. Sprinkles, silver balls, edible glitter ....

For jam filled biscuits, remove from trays and when cool spread the 1/2 biscuits with jam. Add a few dabs of glace icing around the edge, position a skewer in the middle ensuring it is not visible, then top with the biscuits that have no centres. Sticking them in place with the dabs of icing.

Cooks tip: If you haven't got the right size cutters, improvise with a drinking glass for the biscuits and use a screw top bottle cap to cut out the centres. Raid the kids' playdough cutters and see what they've got.

To assemble the bouquet, carefully insert the skewers into the polystyrene with tuille, curling ribbon or tissue paper.

If the cookies are not likely to be eaten immediately, you can individually wrap them in clear cellophane and tie with curling ribbon to keep cookies fresh.

bra bra black sheep

2010-01-26T11:56:00.000-08:00

Holiday is pretty much distant memory now. Work phone is ringing all the time-so escaped to gym to have some time to myself and do some "damage limitation". Took really good book to read while on cross trainer - love to read, so workout almost enjoyable.

Changed into industrial strength, gravity resistant, workout under garments- Bra is guaranteed to force 10 on Richter scale. Donned leggings, shorts,t.shirt etc. Placed pretty, lacy little bra into gym bag. Dumped clothes, keys etc on top and left bag in locker room.

Workout completed. Descended into stygian darkness of car park, got keys and handbag out of gym bag and headed to shops for ingredients. Eyes not adjusted to gloom so didn't notice that lacy bra had attached itself to hand bag zip.

Proceeded to saunter round shops trailing incriminatingly sexy undergarment off back of hand bag. Was paying for kaffir lime leaves before I noticed!. Had to stuff bra into smallish hand bag. Sooo embarrassed. Like walking through crowded restaurant with dress tucked into knickers. Gaaagh! Cannot tell my family as am already figure of fun.

Oh - Kaffir Lime leaf was part of excellent fragrant chicken curry. Froze the rest of the leaves along with surplus lemongrass stalks- both freeze well. Recipe is for Taste magazine, and is delish. But will not be able to make again once frozen kaffir lime leaves run out as cannot show my face in shops again - will have to move!

The tide is out

2010-01-17T14:00:00.000-08:00

Am having lovely holiday with kids and one true love. Went camping, soooo relaxing.
Daughter spent whole time staking out power points to re charge phone, but aside from that was quintesential kiwi camping experience. Had New Years eve bonfire on beach, fireworks, berry picking, long walks, large ice creams and lots of lying about reading.

Home now and life is still bit like being at beach as tide goes in and out each day. Tide in this case though, is number of children present. Low tide is when its just our own. "Tide is out" means no kids here at all, "high tide" means we have lots of extras, mostly in form of 14 yr old boys.

Was nearly washed away by sudden high tide last week as boys with skateboards flooded in from every direction. Tide has since receeded taking my boy with it and leaving behind only wet towels, dirty plates, empty fridge and a broken jandal.

But enough coastal analogy - have a day to myself, a car and a credit card and am thinking about trying on shoes.
Am able to do this as feet are only part of me that has not "retained water" over summer. Have french painted toe nails too, so simply must try on shoes, or nail polishing will have been waste of time!

Is good to do something enjoyable before year hits full speed. If money was no object would obviously go to Paris for day and um, try on shoes. But am not Russian Billionaires squeeze so will settle for number one shoe warehouse, followed by coffee and cake. Will worry about "water retention" problem next week, still have some clothes I can fit.

If you were me today, with car, credit card (within reason) and no kids, how would you spend day?

Make and bake biscotti

2009-12-14T13:04:00.000-08:00

Was reading facebook messages the other day and saw someone was after a biscotti recipe so thought would be good to post one.

These are hard biscotti, like criplingly expensive cafe ones, only very cheap. Also easy to make - dentist is expensive though! so might want to dunk em in coffee!

If you want softer biscotti - the crumble or shortness comes from fat - use a recipe with butter in it. These'll continue to get harder over a couple of days and they keep well so make good prezzies.

You can mix and match with other flavours, also good chocolate dipped or swizzled with lemon icing.

Cranberry spice biscotti

These pretty biscuits are hard biscotti ideal for dunking in coffee or a hot chocolate. They make a great homemade gift or long lasting nibble to share with guests over the festive season. The recipe makes at least 25 so you’ve enough to give away and still enjoy some yourself.

1 egg
1 egg white
½ cup sugar
1/3 cup pistachios
½ cup dried cranberries/Craisins
1 tsp of vanilla essence
1 tsp mixed spice
1 ¾ cups self raising flour
Non stick baking paper

Pre heat the oven to 180°
Beat the egg, egg white and sugar together until the sugar is dissolved, and the mixture has become pale and frothy. Stir in the vanilla, spice, flour, nuts and dried fruit. Place the baking paper onto a baking tray.
Knead the dough lightly and form into a flattish log. Bake for 25 minutes then remove from the oven and allow to cool. The log will have cracked a little on top, this is normal.
Using a serrated knife slice the biscotti in to 5mm slices – you should get roughly 25 -28 from a log. Place the slices in batches onto a cooling rack, put the cooling rack onto a baking tray and carefully place in the oven. Cooking the slices on the rack allows the hot air to circulate around the biscuits eliminating the need to turn them. Bake them for 15 minutes or until lightly golden. Cool and store in an airtight container.

Christmas Cheer

2009-12-07T20:22:00.000-08:00

Feeling happy, hair not too awful, work starting to ease off, only a few school lunches left to make and have super gorgeous Christmas tree.

Love the tree, whole family allergic to it naturally, cat obsessed with trying to drink tree water and needles already everywhere, also got migraine trying to untangle lights.

We all like tree and Christmas music so made mince pies as might as well go whole hog - in fact if I eat many more will resemble hog!
Thought you might like recipe so am attaching.

Christmas Mince pies
Makes around 14 regular size with stars on top, or more if you do some as mini’s. Pastry needs cold butter, cold water and a cold rest in the fridge.
Handling or kneading the pastry will make it greasy and tough, so be gentle and you’ll have ”melt in the mouth” short pastry for your mince pies.

FYI I always make a double batch, but we are very greedy.

For the pastry
1 heaped cup of plain flour
Pinch of salt
100 g butter
1 dsp sugar (for sweet pastry)
1 egg yolk
Splash of cold water

For the filling
¾ tub of fruit mince- approx 1 big cup full

Icing sugar to dust

Put flour, salt and butter into food processor and pulse until fine crumbs form or rub butter into flour with your finger tips.
Add sugar, egg yolk, and water and pulse or mix with the blade of a knife until just combined. If the pastry is over worked it will be tough, if it is crumbly add more water.
Wrap the pastry in paper or cling film and rest it in the fridge for 1/2 an hour before rolling out.
Pre heat the oven to 190°
Use a cutter or glass to cut pastry discs to fit your pans.
Grease the pans then line with the pastry discs. Spoon a teaspoon of fruit mince mixture into each one – don’t overfill or they’ll spill over and stick to the pans.
Top with a star or other pastry shape.
Bake for around 15 minutes until pale golden. Remove from pans while still warm and place on a rack to cool. Store in an airtight container and serve warm or cold. Dust with icing sugar before serving.

Dressed for success

2009-11-30T20:43:00.000-08:00

Outfit for books and bubbles finally sorted - had session with clothes stylist in posh North Shore clothing store specialising in garments that can be worn several different ways, lots of draping, tying and such like.

Clothes lovely but I am midget - still waiting to grow legs. Instead of looking like catwalk model looked just looked like cat tangled up in bundle of rags.
Session not total washout as concluded I look better with edges - tailored clothing rather than floaty drapey stuff I so admire.

Looked in own wardrobe and dug out black dress, teamed with lovely new cardie bought on sale previous week and fish net tights... thought it was OK.
Hair no longer looking like fright wig either - much improved.

Kerre Woodham was MC in Amazing silk dress from World, Fab, V.V. expensive shoes and had special hair appointment for event... It was all very nicely done, with nibbles and such like.

Laughed so much during Kerre's bits, looked like I was having seizure. She is very funny, there is nothing, absolutely nothing she wont share with 350 total strangers. If you get the chance to go to one of these nights, even if you don't like authors, its worth it for laughs.

No more tears

2009-11-25T20:34:00.000-08:00

Hair still warcrime today so had emergency rescue appointment with different salon. Parted with another large chunk of money but can now go out without hat. Hurrah!
Was good to know was not alone in hair horror saga.
Very comforting that others have been there too, and while emotionally scarred are now able to function in society, given sufficient time and chocolate.
Thanks for being there for me. Kia Kaha.

A crying shame

2009-11-24T21:03:00.000-08:00

Have just stopped crying to write blog - had hair cut today. Spent long time on net finding picture of hairstyle I liked, messy, chunky bob type thing. Very excited when got to hairdresser as stylist seemed completely confident with cutting etc until came to actual styling.

Much hair lying on floor, small amount still attached to scalp. Straitening followed, then tousling, then straitening then more re arranging, spraying and petrifying till finally took pity on stylist. Said was fine and handed over credit card for large chunk to be added to monthly statement. Left salon looking like electrocution victim, was sobbing before half way home.
Very glad took car not bus.

Washed hair immediately, hopeful that I could get it to behave, dried it, yelled at self in mirror, cried and flailed fists uselessly on bed, straitened, blow dried, cried some more, sobbed on son, sent tragic text to daughter. Put in clip.
Removed clip as looked like Russian special needs gymnast - not helping tragic hair at all.

I know on scale of catastrophic events is not tsunami or famine or fire but still very upset.
Like hairdresser very much, usually gets it pretty near what I want, so am not about to throw fit, but needed some moral support to get me through -also some crisps, and some wine, maybe won't look so bad after crisps and wine...has this ever happened to you, what did you do???

2009-11-19T20:32:00.000-08:00

As I mentioned on face book - cheesecake recipe Mmmm,worth every calorie!

White chocolate and berry cheesecake

Cheesecakes are so decadent and this one is a stunner, made loaf style and drizzled with berry syrup.

Serves 10

300g white chocolate
250 ml cream
500 g cream cheese
50 g caster sugar
1 packet ginger nut biscuits crushed with a rolling pin to form crumbs
60 g butter melted

For the syrup – use some in the cheesecake and the remainder to decorate it
2 cups frozen mixed berries
¼ cup sugar
¼ cup water
A small squeeze of lemon juice
1 tbsp arrowroot
1 tbsp cold water

Line a loaf tin with cling film so it completely covers the inside of the loaf tin and there is enough over- hang to wrap over the top when filled.
Melt the white chocolate gently in a bowl set over a small saucepan containing simmering water – stir frequently, and when beginning to melt, turn off the heat and allow the residual heat to completely melt the chocolate.
While the chocolate is melting make the syrup. Place the frozen berries, sugar and water in a small saucepan and simmer gently for 15 minutes. Remove from the heat, mix together the arrowroot and tbsp of cold water and stir into the berry mixture. It should begin to form a slight gel.
Beat together the cream cheese, cream, caster sugar and white chocolate.
Spoon a layer of the cream cheese mixture into the tin then drizzle in some of the berry mixture, add another layer of cream cheese mixture and some more berry syrup, continuing in this manner until the cheese mixture is used up. Retain some berry syrup for decorating the cheesecake when set.
Mix the melted butter into the ginger nuts. Gently bang the loaf tin on the bench so the mixture settles well into the corners of the tin then pack the crumb mixture on the top, pressing it down firmly. This layer will form the base when the cheesecake is turned out.
Fold the excess cling film over the crumb crust and refrigerate the cake for 6 hours or overnight.
To serve gently loosen the cake then up-turn onto a serving platter, remove the cling film and drizzle with remaining syrup. Serve in slices.

What not to wear

2009-11-16T17:01:00.000-08:00

Gaah. Am speaking at lovely books and bubbles event next week and have no idea what to wear.
Would buy something but am hopeless shopper. Shopping MoJo ruined by years of abject poverty. Now always trying to buy fictional Ultimate Garment. Ultimate Garment is one suitable for Banquet, Barbecue and bush walk, has built in flattering Nancy Gantz type arrangement and no ironing needed. As Ultimate Garment does not exist, end up buying cake or delicious almond croissant Mmmm.Mmmm

When was v.v. poor would get by wearing Tshirt with dg logo, in manner of company uniform but will not suffice in this instance, as is hoity toity champagne type event.

Publicist suggests wearing "jeans and a sparkly top, what you'd wear to a party..."
Clearly no idea that last party I attended completly populated by 14 yr old boys and comprised skateboarding DVD's, delivery pizza and farting contest - not a sparkly top in sight.

Tried out shopping on saturday, went to nice Milford mall with lovely shops, greeted many times by chirpy assistants saying how are you, hows your day going, many many times.
Raked through racks but all seemed too long, too short, too shiny, to tiny, too expensive - tried on expensive one anyway - liked a lot (must have been skinny mirror.)
What should I do?
OPTIONS:
Borrow - again
Buy Sparkly top and wear with slightly too tight jeans (lay off cake in interim)
Buy whole outfit - what and how much is normal amount to spend on such outfit?
all suggestions gratefully recieved.

music as medicine

2009-11-09T21:00:00.000-08:00

Felt very glum on Sunday, had to do hours of prep for photo shoot second weekend in a row, and just wanted to crawl back to bed with family sized box of favourites and wallow.

Stiff upper lip girl that I am, I dragged myself around, working, but keeping up constant stream of moaning and complaining until 16 yr old daughter suggested putting on some music to cheer me up. I barked at her to choose something, cheerful as couldn't bear any melancholy or gloom as was generating enough of my own.

Seconds later house filled with Christmas music. Teenager had decided happiest thing was Christmas- nearly made me cry as was V. happy that she thought of this. Lovely Christmas songs and thoughtful daughter made me think Life not so bad really, as lots to look forward to, also teenagers not so bad either.

photo shoot glamour

2009-11-01T20:50:00.000-08:00

I've just spent the last two days doing the photography for a new dg cookery book. Often people think that photo shoots are glamorous, but the reality is so far from that.
The shopping alone is torturous. Supermarket, butcher and fruit and vege shop, meticulously checking that you have every ingredient you know you need, and a good selection of others that you think you might - it takes hours, you really don't want to behind me in queue.

Then it's into the kitchen to prepare as much of each recipe in advance, as is possible. I also must orchestrate the order in which the dishes will be shot, we shoot 10 recipes a day, so we have to have several on the go at different stages of readiness the whole time- it's complicated for someone like me with the attention span of a small flying insect. And just imagine the dishes!

After a 5am start, there is more cooking to do. Plus rough sketches of how each shot might look with the props that have been supplied by the props stylist. Today there were backgrounds to paint, linen to iron...Its housework on hyper drive - I don't even iron my own clothes, how did I end up in a job that requires ironing!

Shooting started at 10.00 am today and went solidly without a break till nearly 5pm. Tomorrow I'll prep another 10 dishes,repeating the whole routine,supermarket, butcher,vege shop, prep, plan ... on wednesday we'll shoot those dishes, and then well do it all again next week...

Oh and there are no bright young things dashing out to bring me a mocha latte or mop my brow - damn!
I imagine Jamie and Nigella have whole teams of people bringing them coffees and such like, but we are all a bit more "number 8 wire" here in NZ - these pictures were taken when we shot Delicious, with the charming and talented Aaron Mclean driving the camera. Gives you a good idea of what it looks like at my place this week.All the props will stay in the living room till we finish the shoot - thousands of dollars worth - hope the kids don't kick the ball around in here.
Think of me next time you flick through a recipe book and don't even glance at the pictures.

drink to your good health

2009-10-28T21:29:00.000-07:00

Last night I watched an interesting investigation into the efficacy of vitamins,on TV 3.
I’ve never really bought into the whole supplements thing myself. It always seemed like a bit of a scam. Research from university studies years ago showed that vitamin supplements were a poor source of vitamins and no substitute for a healthy diet so we opted to spend our limited resources on food rather than capsules and I am gratified that experts concur that this is the only way to achieve optimum nutrition unless you have an underlying medical or genetic problem.
What I didn’t know, and this show highlighted, was the danger supplements posed to healthy, health conscious people.
The bottom line is that if we want to have optimum nutrition we need to eat more fruit and vegetables. The idea that we can top up or compensate for poor nutrition with vitamin supplements is not just incorrect it’s dangerous. Did anyone else see the program? Will you be chucking out the multivitamins and whipping up a smoothie instead?

Basic Smoothie

200 ml cold milk
¼ cup yoghurt – fruity or natural
½ banana fresh or frozen
½ cup additional fruit such as frozen berries -blue berries or raspberries, fresh berries such as strawberries in season, peaches or even apricot nectar (berries are full of antioxidants, blueberries in particular, and vitamin C)
Honey to sweeten if required (or a teaspoon of molasses, great source of iron and B vitamins)

Place all ingredients in blender and whiz to combine. Frozen banana becomes ice cream like in texture, adding natural sweetness. Berries need not be defrosted, as smoothies are best drunk cold.

Freeze any leftover mixture in Popsicle moulds.

Oh Fudge!

2009-10-26T14:22:00.000-07:00

Friends brought a tin of Russian Fudge around when they came for dinner the other night and it's presence is now dominating my every thought.
Even as I write this I can feel myself tilting subtly in the direction of the pantry like a plant growing towards the light. I put the Fudge in the cupboard out of sight because I thought if I couldn’t see it; it wouldn’t have any power over me. But Russian Fudge has its own gravitational pull and its addicting power cannot be underestimated. This stuff should come with a warning.
Eating doesn’t really describe my relationship with fudge, it’s more like I absorb it, and it takes me over, slowly dissolving on my tongue and permeating every taste bud, every nerve ending.
As the butter and sugar migrate into my nervous system I feel an almost drug like calm and I’m swept up in gentle waves of molten sugary bliss. Just as I’m about to slip into unconsciousness it fades, in an instant every molecule will have dissolved leaving me with the echo of the memory of sublime pleasure, and then the craving starts again, just one more little piece…Heaven help me, I think I need to join a group!

Edmonds Russian Fudge – make at your own risk!

I can’t take any credit for this recipe; it’s been around for donkey’s years. We make the one from the Edmonds book, so it may differ slightly from the one you grew up with, nevertheless full marks to whoever originally invented it.
Russian fudge has to be beaten well, we normally take turns with the beating otherwise the arm is likely to seize up. But it’s worth the effort. Mmmm

675 g sugar
½ cup milk
½ can sweetened condensed milk
125 g butter
¼ tsp salt
1 tbsp golden syrup

Place sugar and milk into a saucepan and bring to the boil, add condensed milk, butter, salt and golden syrup. Boil for around ½ an hour stirring frequently. Beat until thick, about 5 minutes. Pour into a shallow greased tin and cut when set.

Thinking about going veggie

2009-10-22T15:22:00.000-07:00

I saw a t shirt in wellington recently that really made me laugh – it had a butchers diagram of a whale, with all the portions neatly labelled and carried the heading ”whales are delicious and nutritious”. It was a joke – but I really shouldn’t have to explain that.
Every now and then I consider swearing off meat for good and becoming a vegetarian. It is un questionably a healthy way to eat and I am quite content to eat meatless meals provided they are tasty. I will not eat tofu, ever, but then nor will I eat window putty or tile grout or blu Tak. I stopped eating foods based on their pure nastiness around the time that the boys in primmer 4 decided the turquoise crayon was the most vile therefore the only one worth eating, having worked my way through a whole carton of crayola, I was undone as Mathew Caules proceeded to eat the entire skin of an orange without puking and no one but no one could beat that.

The trouble with so much vegetarian food is the puritanical greenie- ness of it. Why does the spicy vegetable pie have to be imprisoned in cement crust made from fair trade organic gravel? Why can’t it come wrapped in melt in the mouth flaky puff pastry? And why does the person serving it always have dread locks, harem pants and complicated vegan sandals on? It’s not helping people like me take it seriously.

Tonight I’m making spinach and ricotta calzones for dinner, with nutmeg, garlic and a crunchy crust, they’ll be delicious, but I can already feel there is hot a bacon butty waiting in the wings…